on the walls of the day
in the shade of the sun
we wrote down
another vision of us
we are the challengers of
^ the new pornographers, “challengers”
challengers of the unknown.
i first discovered this song last summer and fell in love with the idea of challenging the unknown. it’s how i’ve been wired, it’s how i’ve lived my life since a young girl, and it can’t more perfectly express the path my life is taking right now.
so here i am – in tallinn, estonia – writing the inaugural post of my blog. ever-so-hesitant to start one over the past few years as blogging has gained popularity, i figured there was no time like the present. no greater time to share a record of my life with my friends and family than on the brink of a great adventure. i am currently touring scandinavia with two of my good college friends, kim and emily, before we fly to london on the 15th and begin a six-month stay in the city. with passports and work visas in hand, we are ready to taste the british life and experience a new culture in a way only possible by taking up residence there.
my initial idea for this blog was to focus on our travels – first, scandinavia, then on other forays into europe we might take while in london. however, as i started thinking of titles for this record, i realized there is so much more going on in this experience than just being able to see europe for the first time. my decision to move to london after my college graduation was only one decision in a string of choices i have made in the past couple of years that have changed the course of my life – for instance, choosing one major over another, simply for the love of the degree, not for the financial security and potential job opportunities it might present after graduation. in the spring of my fourth year, i was overwhelmed by my lack of direction in terms of a career. after months of applying and interviewing for jobs and hearing back nothing in return, i ran into kim and emily one night. the first thing kim said to me on that april evening was, “candace, come to london with us!” as crazy as it sounded, i knew i had to do it. one consistent desire of mine throughout my fourth year was to do something big after graduation. to have an adventure, to do something i could never do again. this was it. i read ian mcewan’s on chesil beach at the beginning of the summer and was struck by one of the closing lines in the book:
this is how the entire course of a life can be changed – by doing nothing.
i didn’t want that to be me. i didn’t want to wake up twenty years from now and regret not taking advantage of any opportunity i received. but on the other hand, something i’ve struggled with so many times throughout my life is trust. as an overly self-reliant person, it’s hard to let go sometimes and trust God can – and will – take care of things without me micro-managing my own life. the choice to go to london was no different. could i trust God to take care of the thousand details required to plan such a move? earlier this summer, i wrote a song all about the vital importance of taking chances in life. part of the bridge contains these lines:
when life denies a crystal ball
you have to learn to take the fall
with just a blindfold and a prayer
you might have noticed the title of this blog in the last line. while racking my brain for a fitting name, i kept coming back to this line: with just a blindfold and a prayer. as much as i wanted to focus on traveling and my intense wanderlust in this blog, there is more at stake here – it is about watching my faith and trust and courage expand exponentially through this experience.
i’ll end this post with a quote that sums up exactly why i am doing what i am:
there comes a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.